I can semi mark the events that led to my blogging slump-
they are both stupid and selfish, tragic and sad, and born out of sheer depression and laziness. How's THAT for honesty? Well...you deserve nothing but that.
The stay at home Mom thing is NOT easy. My job at the courthouse? THAT was easy. That was a release. I don't think I'd ever taken anything SO forgranted. Adult conversations, people who praised me and thanked me on a daily basis for doing things, stimulating, entertaining...I could go on and on. And yes, stupidly and selfishly I STILL, 6months later, mourn leaving my job.
I know (at least I tell myself I know) that we made the right choice with having me stay home. I really do love watching my children grow. Madelyn is so smart, quick, funny, beautiful, and lovely. And Peter...*sigh* I'm seeing so much with him that I missed with Madelyn BECAUSE I was working.
But day after day of talking squirrels. Day after day of mushy cereal and finding half eaten strawberries in the couch. Day after day of the only adult I see/talk to being my husband (as much as I love him). It's hard.
I'm a social creature.
But...and yes..I'm about to admit to this. I am a social creature...but I don't especially 'like' other people all the time, um..most of the time. I need to work on that.
The sad thing....the Peter getting burned incident. A terrible memory vision that will be locked into my brain for the rest of my life. And an ugly scar that I just pray will disappear over time. Or at least by the time that he could say "Yeah, that's where my Mom let a curling iron fall on me".
Then we had a couple months of sick.
Aaron and I got sick. Then the kids got sick. Then Aaron and I got sick. Then the kids got sick. Lather, rinse, repeat.
And the snow...oh...the snow. The wretched,white, nothingness of a cold winter. Where I'm even MORE isolated from the world. I mean again...with the sometimes I'm a people person type thing...I couldn't even BE a people person if I WANTED to for over a month there with all the snow. AND (while we're on the topic) I'm not really outdoorsy. In fact I've got allergies and kinda shun it for the most part. But if you get knocked down in a crowd, you are more likely to get kicked...and if you get down and depressed..you are more likely to get MORE depressed while you are down there...sad but true. So we had Peter-post-partum (chemical and emotional since he's my last), post-quitting the job, and seasonal..booooo.
I know it sucked..it sucked BIG time..and I'm just hoping I'm on my way out of the hole. New blonde Suzanne (thanks Ma!) threw down a rope to old brunette Suzy and I'm coming back. I promise.
Thanks for sticking around and waiting for me.
2 comments:
Suzi!! You are such a good mom. You adore your children! The SAHM thing is the hardest thing ever. But, like you said, it is rewarding being able to watch your kids grow and not missing out on their milestones. Eventually they WILL praise you and thank you every day. It happens... I promise!! It helps a little ;) This year has been terrible with the snow and all of the sicknesses going around. We've been stuck inside a good portion of the time too. It's hard. But anytime you want to get out, just to talk to another adult and don't really feel like 'going out', you can come here... you can all come still in your jammies if you want! The burn incident was not easy I'm sure-- but he won't remember- at all. And boys think scars are cool-- so if it doesn't go away, it's ok! And everyone has scars. I hate to say it, but it is just the first of many. My kids all have scars from earlier than that in their little lives! You are doing a GREAT job!! That's evident in the SMILES and HAPPY faces of your adorable children!!! Love you girl!!
I keep telling you to cut ourself some slack my beautiful girl! If the floor doesn't get vacuumed each day and if you don't have a hot meal on the table when he gets in from work or the days you cook for his family you choose quick and easy instead of elaborate so be it! Who cares if you have dust bunnies and don't always get the laundry and dishes done as quickly as you'd like too. There is this thing in each household called co-operation and it goes hand in hand with respect and consideration. Crack the whip and demand that very much needed R-E-S-P-E-C-T...just a little bit will greatly help you TCB (take care of business). Spending your days witnessing the precious moments with your angels are the most important things to focus on right now. You do NOT have to be super
woman (although you are doing a great job at it I must say!) Take time for Suzanne. You are just as important as the hubby and in-laws. THEY should be doing all they can to help you instead of expecting you to do everything by yourself! And should you ever seriously want to run away and hide, bring the babies and let me run away with you! Love you too much my angel daughter! Ma
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