I don't really feel like I have a 'friend' I can talk to about how I feel right now. My Mom had an almost 7 year gap b/t myself and my older brother. My Mother in law's first born has Noonan's syndrome so even though her second son wasn't handicapped I don't feel like I can really get a feeling on it from her either. I have other friends with multiple kids, but I guess I just don't exactly know what my question would be to them...I just know how I feel.I'm ready for my Son to be here. That's not the issue.
We want another baby, kid, family member, etc. That's not the issue.
The issue is that soon, Madelyn won't be my only baby. My attention that she usually gets undivided, will be torn to shreds by a wrinkly, squirmy, sack of bones that I'm sure she'll feel is taking her place.
I'm ready for my Son to be here...but I'm not quite ready for my time just as "Madelyn's Mom" to be over. I mean it's been what I've know for close to two years now. And really...there just is a Mom thing. As involved as my family (I include my parents and Aaron's parents) have been in her first couple of years..there are just some things that I am the only one that can do. And I don't want that to change.
How will my relationship with Madelyn change, once her brother gets here? I mean it's bound to right?
What if I feel animosity towards my Son b/c he's taking attention away from her? How terrible would that be?
I know I won't love one child more than the other...but I know it will be a different love.
It's an overwhelming sad to me right now that my time with JUST Madelyn is almost over.
It's an overwhelming need for my Son to go ahead and be born b/c these hormones are too overwhelming!
The picture above is from this morning. Yes, that is french toast on the floor, sausage on the coffee table, an empty bag of potato chips, and all SORTS of random toys scattered around the floor while she scoops the center out of a cream horn with her finger. That's just how we roll around here.
I know I'll miss the little messes from one baby, when there are two making even bigger messes. But having two will be an adventure, and I really shouldn't look at it and be sad..I should look at it as the exciting new part. I couldn't wait to read New Moon after I read Twilight. I couldn't wait to see Mighty Ducks 2 after I saw the first one. It's just alot to get a female, hormonal, related to my tear bag mother, head around. :)
2 comments:
Tear Bag Mother speaking...do not distress yourself with vain imaginings...many fears are born of fatigue, loneliness and hormones!!! The heart expands and the love is just there...yes, there will be differences because Madelyn will no longer be an only child, but she is such a happy camper and you have kept her involved with the expected baby from the beginning so she will be excited and I think she will be a big help to you once her baby brother arrives. You will still have Mama/Madelyn solo time because your son will sleep at times when she will be wide awake...don't worry...be happy! You can do this Punkin Seeder and you will do it well! You could do worse than be related to tear bag mother...just try to imagine the level of your fears had you had almost seven years to mother only one child...easy peasy coming up!
Love you!
When I found out that I was pregnant with Jaxyn I FREAKED!!! I felt like I wouldn't like Jaxyn- that I wouldn't love him. I had given my WHOLE heart to Kameryn. He was the light of my life. I had so many fears with it-- but the day I had him, my heart split into 2 equal parts-- and it's now split into 4. I can't describe it- but it does happen. You have done a great job with Madelyn. She is well behaved and obviously very loved. You will feel the exact same way with your baby boy, as you did with Madelyn! It just happens!! You will see... :)
P.S. Are you having a baby shower???
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